Even though we live our lives out loud, we spend most of our time living in our own head. We can see when we succeed and we can see when we fail. But guess who's also there, watching as intently as we are...? Our inner critic.
That's right! Every time we make a mistake, there's a small voice in the back of our minds (or maybe it's a loud voice for some) that tells us that we're unworthy. It tells us that or mistakes are a direct reflection of our lack of value and ability.
That voice is even there during our greatest successes, not to celebrate with us, but to convince us that it was pure luck that got us to that point;. It tricks is into thinking that our hard work had nothing to do with our success and it's only a matter of time before the world gonna out that we don't deserve to be recognised for our achievements.
Our inner critic constantly chips away at our confidence and self-esteem, yet we rationalise it as having high expectations of ourselves or keeping ourselves humble. This is far from accurate. There is a clear distinction between rational thinking and your inner critic.
How can you tell when the voice you hear is your inner critic or not?
Well, you just have to ask yourself two very important questions:
1. Is what is being said rooted in facts?
If the answer to this is no, then you know that your inner critic is trying to take the reigns again. For example, let's say that you were just voted into a leadership role by your colleagues at work. If your inner critic says you didn't deserve it, the very fact that your colleagues and managers had confidence in your ability to lead, shows that truth was not the basis for these thoughts.
2. How does it make me feel about myself?
The moment you detect that the voice is causing you to perceive yourself negatively, you know that it's your inner critic.
What can you do when your inner critic starts trying to run the show?
Here are the steps I use to manage my inner critic:
1. Identify it
Once you have answered the 2 questions above, you have already successfully identified that your inner critic is trying to take over. You can see it for what it is.
2. Detach from it
Now you must detach from it and understand that it is not a part of you. These are not your thoughts. You love yourself. You wouldn't launch such an attack on your confidence with words so cruel. So now you have detached yourself from the enemy that has declared war on your mind.
3. Challenge it
This step is most crucial. You must now step in and battle against your inner critic. If you think you can just ignore it and it'll go away, then you've got another thing coming. The only way to do away with these negative thoughts is to confront them head-on.
Just imagine you were speaking to a friend. The friendship wouldn't last very long if you spoke to someone the way your inner critic speaks to you. You couldn't say, "You're not good enough", "You're not worthy", "You're lazy" or "You're not smart enough to handle this" without expecting the friendship to deteriorate.
You have to practice being your own friend. Be kind with the words you use to address yourself. Don't let yourself get away with casual disrespect just because no one on the outside can hear you. The amount of damage you do to yourself with just your words, is far worse than what anyone else could ever do to you.
Practise positive self-talk 💛
So the next time you start hearing that mischievous little voice in your head again, just remember everything you've been through to get to this point.
You have been doing your absolute best and you're here. Appreciate where you are. You did the work to get yourself here. You've climbed mountains, jumped over hurdles and swam across oceans to make it in one piece. Just knowing this should allow you to handle yourself with care.
The better you are at giving yourself grace and fighting that inner critic, the more you build your resilience and ability to navigate life.
"You know what you've been through. Cut yourself some slack." - SKBF
Want to become a pro at handling your inner critic? Click here to grab your copy of my book and finally harness your true power!
Such an important topic, especially during this time of the year 💛